Cinco de Club-O

So this Cinco de Mayo, our favorite Mexican restaurant was transformed into an all-ages-admitted club. While usually it's full of a festive college age + crowd, Baja Cafe seriously misrepresented this year. It could only be compared to a bad wedding full of all ages accompanied by the expected Electric Slide and the newest version of the exact same dance, the Cupid Shuffle.
Three things that made me feel old this holiday:
1. The Fashion: What the hell is up with the skintight shortest skirt you can fit your (potentially fat) ass into + Grecian sandals look? There is no way I would ever have sported that combo when I was 21-27. Now, throw some heels on that bitch and we’ve got ourselves a straight up hooker, and an outfit I may or may not have worn in 2001, 2, 3, or 4.
2. Tequila: Since when is it delicious to sip on a cup full of pure tequila and ice? Sorry bartender, but last time I checked, margaritas had sour mix and sometimes Cointreau or other fancy liquors in them. I am not 17 anymore; and my overall goal isn’t to get shit-faced off of Everclear and Kool-Aid that’s been mixed inside of a 5 gallon bucket and hauled to the middle of the woods where all my other 17-20 year old friends are that aren’t supposed to be drinking. I’m allowed to drink, and I like my beverages palatable.
3. Cab: I’ve no longer resorted to semi-sober driving. I will get a cab every time I plan to drink, and I won’t be disappointed when I’m riding in the same cab home a couple of hours later. Not even when I am as sober as Lindsay Lohan was for those historic twenty minutes in 2006.